I care for you rap...hope you read this someday

Dear rap,

I'm so upset. I couldn't stop thinking. How can someone say this to me. "You don't care for him". Really rap? Amma don't care for you? I love you too much rap. I wish to tell...

Since the day you were born, I have never left you. Not a single day. I had been away for short durations for classes while you are with me at the university. I have never left you. I will not leave you. It's you who may have to leave the nest to soar the skies and reach for your dreams.

I left my salaried job to care for you. I couldn't bring myself to leave you in the care of another person. I wanted to be with you so I can do my best for you. Money cannot buy you rap. Money cannot buy the time I am with you. I care for you rap.

I put effort to cook a variety of food for you, I try to eat more vegetables so you would too. I stopped drinking carbonated drinks since I was pregnant with you. I hardly drink it now. 

I read frequently to gain knowledge about parenting a child. I make mistakes. I try to correct myself to be better because I care for you. I am human too but I really try.

I feel lonely sometimes but I have you. My days are hardly quiet and slow. I am ready to play with you and care for your basic needs anytime even though I am unwell. 

I still breastfeed you to give you the best. It's the best gift I can give you. I have been wounded multiple times in this breastfeeding journey. I was in much pain. I never gave up so I can give you the best. I care for you rap.

I don't even remember when was the last I slept and woke up at my own leisure time. It does not matter rap. You matter most to me. I wake up to check on you at night. Just so you are not covering your face with the blanket or the pillow or not falling off the bed's edge. I care for you rap. 

It's too many to list. It's just the little things I can do for you as your amma. Is it fair for anyone to say I don't care for you rap? You are too young to understand now rap. Maybe when you have the opportunity to become a parent yourself, it may be clear that I care for you.

We do so much together. I treasure all of it and regret my imperfection. I love you with all of me. I care for you rap.

With love,

your amma.

Ice skating for the first time

Over the weekend, we were out at IOI City Mall, Putrajaya. My cousin had joined us. Mostly, we did activities in favour of rap when we happened to walk pass the ice skating ring. A lot of people were ice skating. I had this sudden plan for all of us to try it. None of us have ice skated before. It's sometimes exciting to try something new. This was one of them. We bought tickets and rented boots, bought gloves and socks as they were compulsory. We also rented a penguin which helps newbies to learn skating. It was meant for rap as he was the child there while we adults thought we could manage somehow in there.

Each ticket costs RM30 for both adults and children. This was a weekend price. The ticket price includes the skating boots rental. They had sizes for children from age 3. Well, you don't need to remember your feet size. They had a measurement place mat at the boot rental place. We just had to place our foot on the measurement mat and the person in charge would bring you the right boot size. They have so many boots, all hung up like in a closet. The penguin rental was another RM30. We had to purchase gloves and socks too since we were not prepared. Otherwise, you could just bring your own to use. 

Getting into our skating boots

We got into our gears and walked around the carpeted floor. Though it restricts normal walking movements, it was not too hard to balance. Rap was excited with his strawberry designed gloves and was ready to walk around by himself on the carpeted floor. He even refused me holding his hands for balance. So I let it go and he manages to walk freely and falls. I help him up and he is not hurt. But his excitement did not fade. If given the opportunity, he would have walked off by himself without being bothered about falling. Maybe even roll on the ice. Rap had strawberries on his gloves and a small sized boots just right for him. He looked all set for ice skating. 

The horror started when I stepped onto the ice skating ring. It was not possible to walk like on the carpet. It was slippery and balancing was difficult. We had to hold on to the sides and make our way slowly, further into the ring. Rap was with his daddy just in front of me. My cousin was calling out to me every few seconds. We laughed and laughed because it was so hard to move. We were stuck near the entrance with many other newbies. Slowly, we progressed. We were just afraid to fall and embarrass ourselves. Rap had the penguin to hold and I can see him making funny moves so he can fall onto the ice. Daddy was sweating in attempt to hold him up. 

My tummy was aching from laughing so hard. I tried to skate but the sides where we hold on for balance was not supportive. It did not have a bar. It was just a glass wall with a small step like design to place our hands. It was so hard. Then slowly, I tried to balance myself with the wall support and move a little bit more. My cousin is still shouting for me. "Don't go so far. Wait for me". I am actually only a meter away. Along the way, we had to pass many people leaning against the glass wall for support. 

Suddenly, my cousin looses balance and falls. We were laughing. She kept saying it is cold. Definitely it is cold if you sit on ice, isn't it? I reach out to her to lift her up but not successful. How can we do this while still laughing? Shortly, she realized she have to go on her knees to stand again. I was able to pull her up at this point. And we continued laughing. Rap got this idea of falling. He was making funky moves to fall. hahahah. rap oh rap. Is it really nice to fall on ice? I believe it will hurt.

We managed to go half way through the skating ring. Suddenly, rap has a bleeding lower lip. How did that happen? He did not fall. Maybe struggling with daddy to free himself and his teeth might have hit on his lips. I had to put some pressure on his lips to stop the bleeding but he was alright. Then rap wanted to go fast, then slow and fast again. It's not like we can go fast, we all can go really slow, rap. Don't you realize how slowly we made our way to only halfway through the skating ring?

Then, he did not want to hold the penguin anymore, so I had a chance to use it. Oh my, my skating is improving with the little penguin helper. I have more balance and can skate a little. Then I hear someone shouting for me. Guess who? So I go back and my cousin holds on to me and we try to skate together for a very short distance. My confidence too increased with the little penguin. I managed to skate a bit to and fro. Then made a whole round again by myself. Luckily I did not fall. Earlier, daddy and rap had a fall. I was shocked. I could not even reach out to hold them from falling, as I'm also loosing balance and we may all fall in a heap. I check on rap and he is not even bothered about the fall. I hold him while daddy tries to get up. The experienced cousin who had a fall before that told daddy to go on his knees. Yes, we learnt.

Almost at the end of our round, rap decided to sit on the ice and collect chunks of ice. He wanted to do snowball. He enjoyed some time on the ice. It must have been cold for him but he did not show any sign of discomfort. I collected some ice for him too. He asked if he could bring it with him. Well rap, you can take them but they are going to melt away just like in the Timmy Time cartoon. He could relate when I mentioned about the cartoon. Yet he took it with him and kept looking at the ice in his gloved hand. 

It was such a new experience. It's not like roller skating on the ground. I used to roller skate before. The concept may be the same but the ice is slippery, making it more challenging. My cousin and I would love to try again some day and learn to ice skate. Hopefully, rap will learn too.

A photo in the ice skating ring

How about pirate ship water play?

Cascading water effect

Rap had always enjoyed water play since an infant. I do encourage and allow lots of water play whenever possible. Besides, the extra work and cleanup, I do enjoy watching him. Sometimes, I join in the fun and play with him. Many a times I too get wet in his play. Initially it was playing with squeaky bath toys. Then it transition to little cups and tools to fetch water. It can be any sort of tool, water bottles, bowls, cups, spoons etc. Then, it was bubble fun all over the bathroom and colored balls in the inflatable pool. Rap even played with his float during bath. I'm not sure what's the amusement with the float in the bath. But still he had his way. 

Then it was water sprays. The ceiling and walls and every corner of the bathroom is splashed. Once we even tried water spraying at the balcony but realized it was not a good idea. Rap sprays water out of the balcony. Possibly someone walking on the road below is going to get wet. Despite reminding him numerous times, he could not follow through. To rap it was about the fun of spraying water everywhere. Once he even made his dad drenched with his water spray. Kind of cornered him and shot him wet. Hahahaha. I had a jolly laugh away from the spot to stay safe from the game. Rap laughed and enjoyed this game. He even requested for the same on another day but daddy was not up for it this time. Imagine being sprayed on the face too. It was too funny for me seeing daddy getting drenched.

Soon he wanted to play with his baby bath soap and shampoos. Squeezing them in the water and over the floor. Then he makes bubbles by holding the shower over the soap + water filled bucket. He literally turns the bottles upside down and squeeze them hard with both hands. And I am standing there saying not to waste the soap. He tells me, I just want to use little. I'm not sure how many bottles went to waste like that. Maybe 2/3 of the content goes to waste. At one point I thought of switching to bar soap. Even that became a victim to his water play. Dump them into the water and squeeze them till they go out of shape and skid on the floor. *facepalm*

Exploring the pirate ship

Another water activity is fishing! I fill a big container with water and rap uses his net to catch them or the magnetic fishing rod. Then he put pebbles into the water. Shifting them from one container to the other with water dripping all over the floor.

My father has plants at our balcony. Sometimes, he does major change of soil and planting. During those times, he pulls a hose to the balcony to water the plants and clean the floor. Rap jumps right in because it involves water. He would help to water the plants and at the same time pour so much water into single flower pots till the soil spill over. His grandpa  is not happy. Once rap let the water on the awning of the house below ours. If the tenant noticed, he/she might have thought it was raining but only at his/her place.

The latest water toy is a pirate ship. It can be filled with water and has some parts spinning when water is poured at the top. It has a waterfall kind of effect and rap enjoys watching and pouring water over and over again. It also contains spade and cup with tiny holes that makes it look like rain. He explored to fetch water from the cup with holes into another foam cup. Adjusting the foam cup to ensure water goes inside. Besides, I helped to add more fun to his play with the additional water toys stuck on the glass door. The water pours from the top like raining clouds, into a dumping bucket, spinning sun and splitting rainbow which finally ends into the pirate ship. It's so much fun playing with water.